A Friendly Missive…

Dearest Zizou,

First things First. Congratulations on steering France to the semifinals of the World Cup. You have brought both good and bad news for me. The good news is that you have knocked out Brazil and the bad news is that you have run into the form of your life.

I am really stunned by the fact that Real Madrid is eyeing me as a probable replacement for you as a playmaker in the mid-field. It would be an honor for me trying to fill into the shoes of the greatest footballer of the last decade. Also taking into account all that happened on Saturday, I don’t think Old Trafford would be too keen to have me on the Roster.

Now, you might think why I am writing to you all of a sudden. Since FIFA says “Its time to make friends”, I thought I would ride on the WC fever to befriend the most expensive player in Football history. Yeah, you can trust me. I will not betray you. Believe me, I have even sent you an Orkut Friend Request. And I assure you; your testimonial is on the way, once you hit the “Accept” button.

If you thought I was responsible for Rooney’s ouster on Saturday, then you have got it wrong. It was actually a play enacted by Wayne and myself. Midway through the match, Wayne felt he hadn’t done anything noticeable in the last one month in Germany. Being a True Englishman, he badly wanted to make headlines and he knew the easiest way to make it was by earning an expulsion a la Beckham in ’98. And I just obliged to his request. You know what, he wants to be the most glamorous and clamorous person on the football field. I am sure of the latter, but the former, err... How could he, when I am on the field!!

Zizou, I am really amazed by your skills but I can’t really understand why you use it sparingly and only when required. You see, I show off my skills at every opportunity, because I heard someone say “Opportunity is a comb that nature gives us when we are bald.” Oh, I didn’t refer to your scalp here. By the way, this letter is also to say a big HI to the entire Les Bleus and I sincerely hope that at least half of your squad falls ill on the eve of the Semifinals against us.

And I would like to remind you – I have got something that you can never even dream off. Yeah you guessed it right – Hair on my scalp. Hey I would get you a nice Peruke if you under-performed against us on Wednesday. Isn’t the deal attractive??

PS: Looking forward to a quick reply from you. You needn’t worry about the language problem. You may reply back in any language you like. A British multilinguist-journalist had offered to help me with the translation. By the way, lets keep this confidential – between me, you and the English Press.

PPS: Wishing you a happy retired life.

Yours Faithfully,
Cristiano Ronaldo.